Toot, Toot... TWEET!

Yes, yes. I know. Some of you sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers are, quite obviously, expecting a treatise about a particular song from a particular film that Dick Van Dyke was in. And I'm sure you just assume I made a typo and that the last word of this post title should be *sweet* and not *tweet*.

However, I do feel you'll be disappointed as I'm not writing this post to cater to my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers. I am instead, of course, aiming this post to the more mundane type of reader.

This means that 99% of you won't get the joke, nor will you think it's phunny cuz it's not sew-fis-tee-kay-ted.

This has to do with my Twitter account --yes, I've heard all the jokes. Heck, I made up most of them!

For this particular waste of time, I blame AKM. She's the one who tweeted about the #altSarahPalinBookTitles and I just happened to see a few of the titles. I realised that I could come up with some good titles since many of you think/know that I am funny(looking).

So it's truly NOT MY FAULT that I didn't have time to make Planet Kokon for some particular unnamed individual.

Let me stress ONCE MORE: It. Is. Not. My. Fault! It is someone elses fault --ALWAYS!

Would you like to see how I wasted my time? Of course you would! I shall now give you my tweets from a couple of days ago.

AKdavedownunder "I'll Never Stop Makin' Things Up! *Wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Cold, Black Heart Just Caused Hell to
Freeze Over" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:57 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Book to Nowhere"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:02 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in
Junior High School" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:04 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How Not to Become Vice President"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:07 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Here's Where I Blame The Pajama-Clad
Bloggers for Everything That's Wrong in My Life" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:09 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Gotta Go, Putin's Head Just Reared *wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:10 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Tawd! Fetch Me Muh Shotgun! I's Huntin'
Libruls" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:12 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Can See Dollar Signs From Here"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:13 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Fleece The Sheeple"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:15 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Little un-Read Book"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:17 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Told Lynn Vincent Not To Use Big Words"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:19 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Naughty Monkey Pumps Can Make You
Famous Like Me" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:20 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Properly Wear CFM Boots While
Pretending To Govern" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:21 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Does This Book Make Me Look Slutty?"
subtitle: I Sure Hope So! #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:24 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "ths bk is vry guud. pls by it, thx"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:28 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Momma Grisly Bear"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:30 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Infamy, Infamy! They've All Got It In Fo' Me!"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:32 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Waiter, I'd Like Some Cheese With My
Whine" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:36 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "In What Respect, Rupert?"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:41 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "True Stories of Alien Abduction"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:42 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Stay One Step Ahead of The IRS"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:43 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Brainwashing For Dummies"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:45 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How to Quit Anything in Three Easy Steps"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:50 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stupidity On The Iditarod Trail"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles with apologies to Dana Stabenow
11:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I'm Baaaaaack!" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:58 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Sarah's Adventures in Kindergarten"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:03 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Little Red Lying Hood"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Grim Fairy Tales" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Two Mules for Sister Sarah"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles Ok, I did around 30 an hour ago, I SWEAR this is
the last one.
2:01 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stuck in The Immoral Mudflats"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles I lied, just like an ex-gov who aborted her term
as guv of AK.
2:03 PM Nov 18th from web



I shall now not type anything for the next five minutes in order to give you time to clean up the coffee/tea/beer/wine/whiskey/everclear that has been spewed upon you keyboard and/or monitor.

tick



tock


Ok, 5 minutes is up!

I'm now going to ask all my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted and non-sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers to come up with a caption for this next picture. The picture is of me. I shall not tell you what I was doing --at least not yet. Put on yer tinfoil thinkin' caps and give it a go, mates!





Seriously, if you can't come up with a good caption for that face then your mundane, boring, cubicle job has totally crushed and buried your thought processes! Dig yourself out! You can do it! Be free!!!!

Sorry, getting a little carried away. Note to self: try to cut back to only 3 pots of coffee in the morning.

BONUS

A conversation with WP! Remember, WP is Wifey-Poo also known as the most wonderful woman in the entire world (I hope she reads this). YT is Yours Truly --that'd be me, don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

*this took place this morning around 7 am in the back garden*

WP: Dear, last night you said you were going on a bike ride this morning.

YT: Yeah, but it looks like rain.

WP: And perhaps you've just cleaned the drivetrain and don't want it to get mucky?

YT: Uhhhh... Yeah! That's right! Don't wanna get the clean chain and gears dirty.

WP: I see.

...

WP: Any other reason why you aren't riding?

YT: Well, actually, yes.

WP: Do tell.

YT: I didn't want to get wet in the rain.

WP: Ah. Of course not dear. But it looks like the rain is approaching now.

YT: Oh crap!

*YT looks around frantically*

YT: Honey?

WP: Yes dear?

YT: Could you go inside and get me a dry towel? I'd better get out of the pool and dry off before the rain gets here. Don't wanna get wet, ya know?

*at this point WP walks away muttering something under her breath that our hero can't hear*

Springtime in Australia --UPDATED

Just think of the Johnny Horton song, Springtime in Alaska. But, sorta, kinda, like... OPPOSITE!







UPDATE

Just got this from the Aussie BOM (Bureau of Meteorology) site

Adelaide Forecast
Issued at 11:30 am CDT on Wednesday 18 November 2009

Warning Summary
SES Extreme Heat Watch for South Australia.


And just think, 2 more weeks till summer actually gets here! Weeeeeeeee!

Muh-muh-muh-muh My Tomatoes!

Ah yes, 'tis that time of the year again. What time would that be, dave? It'd be the time of year when I get to talk all about all the juicy, fresh, ripe, sweet, wonderful, organic tomatoes we grow each summer!

BTW, did any of you notice the title of this post? Some of you may remember a song called My Sharona from 1979. Some of you may not. Some of you might now have the annoying lyrics from that song stuck in you head.

I was going to put the Sharona lyrics up, and then my own lyrics centered around --take a guess-- My Tomatoes. But I decided not to.

Why?

Firstly, you all already know I'm funny (looking) so I don't need to prove it.

Secondly, My Sharona is actually about an older guy having the hots for, shall we say, younger women. Quite young. I, of course, am above such things!

Thirdly, it seems to be trendy now to rewrite song lyrics on blogs and I AM NOT A SHEEPLE!

Fourthly, I'm just too lazy after lounging around in the pool.

OT: I've promised on my Twitter account that I won't make fun of, or make any inappropriate jokes about the difference in temp betwixt my hometown in Alaska and where I am now. I'll just leave it at this: Fairbanks, AK is -22 F. Outside the window overlooking the pool right here the temp is +106 F. Just stating a fact, that's all. Nothing mean or malicious about that now is there?

Another OT: To Rebecca in NC, lemme know what kind of critter pics (koalas, parrots, roos, etc) you want for your screensaver, no worries --email is alaskandavedownunder(at)gmail(dot)com.

More OT: To some new friend/lurker/stalker in Maryland, USA who has visited over 150 times this past week: Hi!!!! Welcome to Oz and you're invited to join the fun! And thanks for visiting too! I hope I didn't embarrass you, sorry if I did. Don't worry, no one here bites.

Just some more OT: Regarding the previous post, yes that is the foot of an emu. Don't know what an emu is? Why don't you let "ma google" 'splain it to ya?

Back to My Tomatoes! Oh, wait. Gotta tell ya there will be pics of another momma and baby koala at the end of this post.

I planted 12 tomatoe (flashback to Danforth Quayle!!!!) plants this season while Wifey-Poo took pictures and High Royal Highness, Prince Bagheera helped by keeping the bricks warm. You'll get pics next time, but not today. Why not? Ummmm, haven't downloaded and looked at them yet (dang, a month can really fly).

Last year we did one cherry tomato truss and 6 Mighty Reds. Mighty Reds grow very well in Oz. Ended up with around 330 by the end of last season. This year we are hoping to get around 600 to 700 tomatoes!

Good thing WP and I like tomatoes, eh?

Growing tip: when planting your tomato plants, mix half potting mix with half dried cow poop. Top dress every 2 weeks with a bit of dry cow poop. You'll get LOTS and LOTS of fruit. Also, plant some basil. The two plants love to grow together.

We went with a medley of plants this year:

TomatoBerry -Never seen this one before. It'll grow to 2 metres and it produces tomatoes that are heartshaped and about the size of raspberries. This is a "pluck the fruit and plop in mouth" type. Should look like a Christmas tree. Should I decorate it?

Italian Tomato -Not your standard Roma. Full bodied, very sweet and juicy.

Beef Steak Tomato -Late maturing with globular fruit. Very good for sauces.

Sweet Bite Cherry (x2) -Should get over 100 sweet cherry truss tomatoes from each plant.

Large Cherry -About golfball sized fruit, very sweet.

Apollo Improved -Supposedly disease resistant, large globes, firm and great for grilling.

Black Russian -I'm so looking forward to this! Traditional, meaty tomato with a strong flavour. And it should look really cool too.

Health Kick -This is a new roma type tomato with 50% more lycopene than a regular tomato. Mmmmmmmm, lycopene... drool...

Reggae Roma -Early maturing, sweeter than a regular Roma, and very prolific.

Cherry Red Truss -Could easily get 150 cherry tomatoes off this one alone!

Yellow Tomato -This one needs side pruning. Low acid, very sweet and a neat colour. Should get 2 metres tall.


Well, thanks for putting up with reading about Muh-muh-muh-muh Myyyyyyy Tomatoes. As a reward (gee, just like you'd train a dog, eh?) here's some pics from Belair National Park. BNP is the oldest nat park in Oz, btw.

Do I even need to tell you what kind of bird this is?
Yes, it's a kookaburra.



Saw another momma and baby. This "baby" is just about ready to go out on his own now.



And just so you know which is which...




Don't forget, coming soon to this blog: Full Frontal Nudity with Yours-Truly! Hmmmm, I wonder if I'll get paid as much as Levi?

It's More Fun When We Share

Yes, isn't it great when we all get along and help each other? Sigh.... Blissful harmonics playing betwixt my ears...

So, as you can surmise, I, quite obviously, need your help, of course.

*opps, attack of the superflous commas, please excuse*

So, like, what do I need your help with, you might ask? I need your help with two things.

The first, being before the second, is help with deciding what the title of my next blog post should be. Or not to be. Either or neither, no worries mates!

Here are your two choices --oh, just please keep in mind (yours, not mine) that the second place finishing title will be used in a post subsequent to the winning title, which will, of course, be used first.

Ahem.

Here's the query (as best I can frase it): Should the title of the next blog post from Yours Truly (That'd be me. Don't swoon ladies, I'm human) be

Mu-mu-mu-mu-mu-MY Tomatoes

or should the next post be titled thusly:

And Now With Even More Full Frontal Nudity

As I'm sure my more astute readers will surmise, the pictures for one post will be just, shall we say, slightly different from the pictures used in the other post. Keep in mind the way my mind works and then you may, perhaps, have an idea of the type of pictures I will be posting. Then again, maybe not.

So, what's it gonna be: Tomatoes or Full Frontal Nudity?

Whilst you are pondering your decision of whether or not you will vote and if so, then what your vote will be, how's about a quiz?

This involves a critter.

Specifically the foot of a critter.

It's easy. I give you a picture of a foot of a critter, and you guess what it is! Simple as cake! Piece of pie!

Put on your thinking caps (Aussies have to wait at least 2 days before guessing so that the Northern Hemisphere Heathens have a chance) and give it a go mates!




On your marx, git sit, and GO!

I Am In Serious Need Of HELP!

Yes, I finally do admit it. I need help. I'm sure that all my regular readers will have figured this out yonks ago, but I thought it is time to make it official!

HELP!!!!!

Normally (HA!) when I put up pics of critters for you to identify I already know what the critter is. Cuz I'm all smart like that.

But not this time. And I don't have time to wade through tomes of information to identify these critters. Why? Cus I'm in the middle of turning into a big, tanned prune (a highly chlorinated one at that) and I don't want to interrupt the process.

So I'm asking for YOUR help!

3 of these flying critters showed up in the backyard yesterday and I haven't seen them since.



Now, obviously they are some kind of pigeon or dove. And, of course, they appear to be of a domestic variety.

The problem is they aren't listed in any of my Aussie bird books (yes, they list imports too) as to the exact variety. So I was really hoping that some of my readers might get together and shine so light on the subject!

Kinda like this:

Just imagine some angels singing.

And if y'all can identify the exact type I will be forever grateful! And I promise to stop mooning the camera!

Hmmmmm, better get the mooning out of my system now...

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If you've made it this far then you obviously are!

There's A Fine Line Betwixt Genius And Crazy

And I sometimes find myself with one foot firmly planted on the genius side, while the other foot tap dances on the crazy side.

Here's some examples.

Genius: Moving from a very cold climate (where I punched a clock), to a much warmer climate (where I'm not punching a clock.

Crazy: Living in a place where the temperature is triple digits in the shade while it's still spring.

Genius: Having a pool to jump into in order to cool off.

Crazy: Living in a place that measures rainfall in tenths of millimetres. That's 1/254 of an inch, btw. Much time can pass without any measurable rainfall.

See??? I'm sure you can think of your own examples pertaining to pretty much anything. Give it a go!

I'll now give you some visual examples. The first will be Genius --that'd be me, and the second will be crazy --that'd NOT be me.

What does a genius do when it's 103 F in the shade and 136 F in the sun?

The genius lounges in the pool with a water temp of 81 F!

What does a crazy do when it's 103 F in the shade and 136 F in the sun?



I swear to you that the bricks are too hot to walk on in bare feet. I truly have no idea how (or why) a black furry cat does this. My vote: CRAZY!


Here's where YOU get to be clever and witty! This next picture was not planned, it just happened. I have several awesome ideas (naturally since I'm a genius) for captions and stories for this pic. But I want to read yours! Be as silly or gruesome as you'd like, no worries.

Ready?

Really ready?

Really really REALLY ready?






Go for it! How funny can you be?

Yea Though I Walk Through The Valley...

...of the Fiery, Flaming, Frizzling, Febrile, Furnace of non-Frigidity...

I shall fear no Heat





For I have the help of the Sacred Saint Wenceslas to help cool myself...









Well, ok, it's kinda hard to follow Wenceslas' footsteps into the pool... And he did warm the page up instead of cooling him off. Damn, this jus' don't make no sense 'tall. Sigh.

Onto something serious!

Did you know that we are still in spring? Yep, summer don't oh-phish-eealle start til December Oneth. This could be a rather warm summa down unda, mates.

I checked the BOM long range f'cast and have found out that we are supposed to have an 80% chance of higher than average temps for the fourth quarter of 2009. We are also supposed to have a 75% chance of less rainfall than average.

Hot and dry.

I think this is now the 10th year of the drought (I guess I brought it with me, sorry) and we've been on permenant water restrictions since I've been here. Yes, I know; it's all my fault!

I live in the driest state in the driest inhabited continent in the world.

No reason to blow my nose anymore as I just sorta chip away at the dried, yellow-brownish gunk encrusted about my outer nasal passages. *I hope you aren't eating lunch right now*

And speaking of eating, I'd suggest you put that donut and coffee down RIGHT NOW as I refuse to be held accountable for damages to your new keyboard as you spew all over it!

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The thievesssss. The dirty, little Thievesss. They stole it from us, my Preciousssss.

*please take notice, anything NOT in italics needs to be read in Smeagol's voice. You'll figure out the italics on your own, I'm sure*



Nasssssty little creature stole it from us, they did. Yesssss, my precious, they did... But how? How can we find the nasty thief who stole it from us?

My


Prrrrrrecious...

Look! It's gone!




Who could it be, precious? Who could it BEEEEE?

I know, my precious. Let's askes the nasty crittersssssss...




No, no. Not THAT one, my precious.

Ohhhh, my precious. This one looks guilty, doesn't itsssss.

No, so sorry to disappoint my good fellow, but I was asleep the whole time you see.

Oh, perhaps. We shall see. Oh yes, we shall ssssseeeeee!


No, not these two tricksessss. We hatess their eyeses, we do!




Aaaaaagh! Get its AWAY!!!! Gets its AWAAAAAAY!




Aiiigh! The sunlight burnses us, it does my precious! Could not have been that one!

I say, my good fellow. Would you be so kind as to fetch us a crumpet?

Oh my precious... we must finds the filthy little thief! Yes, we must!

I say, my good man. I've been out here all afternoon and couldn't possibly have stolen anything.


Oh no, my precious. Not this one. This one couldn't possibly have stolen it!




But what about this one, my precious?

*snore*



This one lookssesss guilty, my love.

Nope, not me.



Coulds its be this one, my precious?

Yo Adrian!



Ahhhh, see my precious? We've founds its! Yes, the thief!

If I had done it then I wouldn't have left evidence.



But who? Who could it be, precious??? Aiiiiigggghhhh!

No, not this one silly...

*pppphhhhbbtbtt*



Oh my precious, we are close, yes we are!




Ah! The Thief! The nasty, little THIEF!





*Editors note*

In order to keep my drumstick-like calves attached to the rest of my body --as opposed to being inside a panther's belly, I decided to give the cat a nice meal of fish that evening.

Give Till It Hurts To Help Those In Need!!

Yes dear readers, it's fast approaching that time of year. The time of year when we think of those less fortunate than ourselves. The time of year when we freely give massive amounts of money to worthwhile causes.

Yes, it's time to send dave --and Wifey-Poo-- to FIJI!

It's not that we can't afford it, cuz we can. But if we do then some very worthwhile causes just won't have our donations, and that'd be a crying shame.

Just think of all the poor, orphaned homeless kids and critters that will have to go without... Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

I've always told WP and BIL not to make us rich. Why? I'd give it all away! Heck, my dream is to open a homeless shelter and run a soup kitchen!

And the poor critters...

Here's a short list of wonderful, kind, caring folk who take care of critters that we give very generously to each month:

WWF: World Wildlife Foundation. How can anyone with a heart not support these great folks?

Cousteau Society: My parents were charter members back in the day.

IFAW: International Fund for Animal Welfare. These are the people that rescue animals after natural disasters, care for sick and abandoned creatures, and are just all around good guys --and gals.


We've adopted several wolves in Alaska, hopefully not the ones shot from helicopters and their cubs gassed in their dens!

Many more places we give:

OXFAM: Hey, when it comes to getting supplies to impoverished areas these folks are great.

Aussie Red Cross: They don't have nearly the overhead costs of the US and are always the first ones to start coordinating relief efforts after natural disasters anywhere in Oceania. I'd even give to the Red Crescent except for the fact that I'm tired of the visits from the men in the unmarked, black, SUV's --I even know a few of them by name now.

The Salvos: Whether or not you agree with the religion of The Salvation Army, they do very good work. There's 2 local thrift shops we give to, along with monetary donations. Heck, I even worked with the Salvos back when I was in Fairbanks!

This list can go on and on...

And to top it off; I am a nice guy. I give rides to strangers, and change to those who ask it.

I also rescue critters from the pool! Saved 2 full grown blue-tongue lizards last year! If there is a bee that can't escape the surface tension then I rescue it! This happens daily, BTW.

WP rescued and saved a baby swallow with a broken wing! It took about 3 weeks for the birdie to heal up and during that time momma sparrow would fly in the open back door to feed the little one.

I also let little old ladies go ahead of me in line. And I have no problem getting something down from a high shelf in a grocery store aisle for anyone vertically-challenged.

And I always wear my seatbelt in the car. I haven't been bicycle riding without wearing a bike helmet in 30 years.

But if we decide to greedily keep our money to go to Fiji instead of helping those in need, well... I'm just not sure I could sleep at night. So here's how you can help! No, you don't need to give to each and every charity or cause, all you need to do is send all you can spare to us so that we may continue to give generously AND get the Fiji trip!

You also get a bonus! We'll be coming back with thousands and thousands of photos, stories, recipes, and local Fijian knowledge you won't find anywhere else. I'll, of course, be blogging about it all. Heck, if I could get 6 weeks out of a little ole trips to Naracoorte then just imagine all the months of readings, photos, and just plain good ole dave snarkiness you get from us being in Fiji for a week!

All you need to do is just click on that bright button marked "Send dave on a long walk off a short pier" that's over to the left and all will be well. Send whatever you can spare, and even some you can't! Heck those credit card companies need the money too!

*at this point Wifey-Poo walks into the room*

WP: Hey! I've got some good news!

YT: Oh?

WP: Yup, you don't have to beg your readers for money for the Fiji trip!

YT: Ummmmmm, did we win the lottery?

WP: No silly, of course not.

YT: Did you get a new book contract?

WP: Yeah, right. I wish.

YT: Your friend George Lucas bought a screenplay?

WP: Are you kidding? I haven't been on his Christmas card list for 30 years now.

YT: I can't think of anything else to make us rich...

WP: BIL (bro-in-law) is finally getting a job!

YT: GREAT! Is this the University position he's been talking about?

WP: That's the one!

YT: YAHOO!!!!!

WP: There's just one little problem I forgot to tell you...

To Be Continued...


Now that you are all on the edge of your collective (you will be assimilated) seats, here's some wonderful wildlife works-of-art:

Firstly, can you spot the koala?



Why, yes I can. Here it is:




The eastern rosella parrots in the wild are pretty skitish. I was quite pleased to get these three shots:





Cool markings, eh?


Speaking (writing) of birds with cool markings, there was a bird that flew overhead that I just wasn't able to identify. Perhaps you can help?

Fried Earthworms

Taking a quick break from the Fijian Funding Fun.

Why? Cus I know that many of you don't read my food blog. And I just wanted to post my latest recipe here to share with you.

Aren't I nice?

Sooooooo, here's the latest:



Dingo Dave's Delightfully Daring Delicacies presents to you...

Fried Worms!

Did you know that the humble earthworm has (by far) the highest protein content of any critter? 72% protein the are! And virtually fat free!

We are talking some seriously high quality meat here, folks.

And earthworm broth is a very traditional Chinese soup too. Very healthy.

To prepare my fried worms, you'll need to get yourself some bacon rashers with the rind on. What's that you say? Didn't I mention that fried bacon rinds LOOK like fried worms? I didn't? Oh, sorry.

Mmmmmmmm, bacon rinds... Everyone does know that when you buy a bag of "pork rinds" (loaded with so many chemicals it's amazing you're still alive) that you are buying --and then eating-- processed pork leather. You did know that, right?

Back to the recipe...

Down here in Oz virtually all the sliced bacon you buy has the rind still on. And the pieces (called rashers) are HUGE compared to wee little wussy US slices. Imagine a piece of bacon 16 to 18 inches long... drool...

But you do have to slice the rind off. Here's what that looks like:




You have to be very carefull when frying the rinds. Why? Cus they jump, spit, and sizzle. It's often referred to as "pork cracklin'" for that reason.

I find it best to fry them on the hotplate of the barby outside.

I also cut the rinds in half so they are easier to spread out. You have to make sure you spread them out otherwise they stick to each other when they cook.

To cook them, crank up your barby's hotplate burners to HIGH for a minute or two and then turn it to LOW. Arrange the pieces of rind on the hotplate so they aren't touching. Sprinkle with salt.

And then, CLOSE THE LID. It's very important otherwise when the jump around while frying they could end up everywhere except the hotplate.

Here's a pic of them about 3/4 the way done:




You can turn them if you think they need it. Most of them won't as they tend to turn themselves when popping and crackling.

Here's the finished product, sprinkled with more salt:

Mmmmmmmmmmm, tasty treat!

You can season them with whatever you'd like while frying them and afterwards. I find a nice sprinkle of hot madras curry powder after frying works nicely.

Enjoy!